Iran So Far Away

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time ... Andy Samberg is a genius. Please watch this. You'll squirm. You'll wince. You'll laugh about this for days.

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/#mea=169811

Discretion

I just witnessed the funniest exchange and I had to blog it out ...

I'm at work and I was down in my office building's "sundries" store buying a coke. There was a man at the register, then two women standing together, then me. The man at the register whispers to the clerk ...

"Do you have condoms?"

"Whuh?"

"Do you have condoms?"

Finally understanding, the clerk replied loudly, "Condoms? No dude."

The woman in front of me exclaims, "Ooh, what that boy need condoms at work for!?"

The man skulked quickly out the door and we all just laughed. Grown-ups say the darndest things.

The sharketh is hereby jumpethed

My reaction to John Krazinski's (Jim) appearance in Gap's new ad campaign is exactly opposite to Holly's from Top Five. While she is busy squealing with her face pressed against the storefront glass, I'm disgusted and dismayed.

It's over. "The Office" has fizzled. I'm not laughing. I'm not looking forward to next week, and I'm getting annoyed with all the actors becoming red carpet celebs. The only thing less classy than an actor doing Gap ads is an actor launching their own fragrance.

I came across some movie with Jenna Fisher (Pam) and Matt Dillon on cable. Her character was talking about all sorts of vulgarities. I'm no prude, but it was traumatizing to hear sweet Pam talking graphically about oral sex.

I haven't been this sad over a tv show's obvious downturn since Harry Connick became a regular on Will & Grace.

It's over Rache.

When did the love die? When did the flame flicker out? When did Rachel Ray get so damn annoying?

Just like the rest of America, I kinda had a crush on RR. Well I'm over it.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, the 'rents and I had the Food Network on in between the football games (Longhorns lost - boo hiss). Rachel is everywhere. In addition to her original "30 Minute Meals", she also has a travel food show and was featured on the all-star group shows. She also has a morning talk show on the regular networks that I saw for the first time over the holiday. It's terrible. As Rachel chortled and goofed all over the place, her guests had that, "girl, you're buggin me" look on their faces.

She used to be perky, sincere, and unpretentious. She was the girl next door who could chat you up while throwing together some good grub.

Now, she's a brand. She's a multi-media tycoon and you can tell she's over-worked, tired and not really enjoying herself anymore. The result? Forced giggling chatter. Rachel. For the love ... shut. up. The blathering and the smoker-husky chuckles are intolerable.

But that's okay, I have a new favorite:













Paula Deen may not be posing in FHM any time soon, but the things that woman does with butter is uh-mazing, ya'll.

Happy Thanksgiving from NTYAMB!

Well, as you can see from the pic to the right, I killed the turkey, and we're ready to eat.

Actually, it's so hot here in DC that the 'rents and I are sitting around in our shorts drinking cocktails. The turkey (from the store) hasn't hit the oven yet, but the parade is on the tube and the kitchen smells like pie and sizzling onions and celery. I am alternating between sleeping, eating and drinking. We're also flipping back and forth between the parade and Paula Deen making bowls of butter seasoned with stuffing. That woman should be the spokesmodel for congestive heart failure.

These are the things I'm thankful for today:

1. My parents - they are really sprucing up the Germeridian Thanksgiving with their off-the-hook carpentry and culinary skills

2. My family - and for iChat, so I can talk to the niece and nephews in Charlotte since they couldn't come due to a virus that involved the pukes and fever.

3. My job - I'm really lucky to be a part of something that is changing the world and to be surrounded every day by smart, funny people who are so good to me.

4. Makers Mark - helps make the holiday merry and bright

5. Butter - and for Paula for teaching us how to use it in everything from gravy to iced tea.

6. The internet - so that I can finish my Christmas shopping tonight and won't have to leave my living room all weekend

7. DC - I love this city and feel very lucky to be able to live in such a fun neighborhood

8. My friends - this is the first year in a long time that I haven't hosted the orphan Thanksgiving and I miss my extended adopted family! Wherever all my peeps are today, I hope you are all happy and full as ticks!

9. My health - while it lasts ... after this meal, I'll need a defibrillator to get off the sofa.

10. God - He has shown me that He loves me in a hundred different ways this year, and He has taught me how important it is to be grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

May the Longhorns kick the snot out of the Aggies tomorrow!

What did YOU do last weekend?

Dad and I built a mantle around my fireplace, and it looks gooooood. Notice the confidence with which I appoach the compound miter saw.

We also finally finished the crown moulding, so the Germeridian is complete!

Germeridian November Mix

It's another "no vacancy" month at the Germeridian Hotel with several events in the ballroom - aka living/dining/office/ storage area -- as well as the family arriving this weekend for the Thanksgiving holiday. What will be spinning in the background, you ask?

For the Germeridian October Mix, click here.

DC Rock Club

Hilarious new blog, even if you don't get indie rock or live in the suburbs: DC Rock Club. These guys are a riot and their commentary is worth your time even if you don't know half of what they're talking about. My favorite recent post involves the purchase of a concert t-shirt by someone old enough to know better. In this photo, Jumboslice models his big mistake.

It's rated R, so parents beware. Rumor has it that the local media are starting to take notice, so be an early adopter of something cool and add this blog to your favorites list.

P U

"Is that your signature scent," she asked?

"Huh?"

"You have the same candle all over the house ... is that your signature scent?"

Jeff Foxworthy, that giant of the spoken word, has said, "If men have a smell, it's usually an accident."

I do have the same candle all over my house, tis true, but it's because I picked up a bunch at the grocery store as an impulse item to cover up the smell of paint and dirty carpet. But what if Archipelago "Havana" becomes the automatic sensory cue that makes people think of me? It's a pretty big deal, but I didn't put any thought into this very important decision. Perhaps I should have sampled a broader selection.

Does "Havana" really represent who I am and what I aspire to be? Is it too heavy? Spicy? Sweet? Is it reminiscent of the candles we once used to cover the smell of pot smoke in college, or is it too aromatherapy-hair salonish? What the hell is "bergamot", and does it unintentionally say something I don't intend, like I support Fidel Castro or that I romanticize the colonizing of India by the British?

I first became aware of the power of smell association when a woman I loved once recounted a great date we had together almost a decade before. Among the first 3 details she mentioned was the cologne I wore in college. She said that whenever she smells it on someone else passing by, she stops and thinks to herself, "Wait! You're not KCG".

The smell of brewed Lipton iced tea or orange Jello instantly transports me back in time to Sunday lunch at my great-grandmothers little country house. Oma Schmidt never smiled that I can remember, but she was a dedicated matriarch and she baked bread that was so good that you would sell a kidney just for another slice. Poor Oma probably would not have purposely chosen tea and jello as her signature scents, but too late -- it's permanently etched into my brain. If she knew how happy those memories are for me, she probably wouldn't mind. I guess if you're living right and are creating lots of great moments for the people around you, it doesn't matter what the memory cue for those times will be years from now.

Maybe I'll get rid of the candles and just open up my pantry.

Obsessed with Regina

Alright! I know, I know ... you're thinking "enough already with Regina Spektor - we get it, we get it - you like her music."

But I really do. I think she's one of the most interesting songwriters to come around in a long time and I've been listening non-stop for a month. I know her last album is over a year old and that many of you have and are already over it, but for those of you who have never given her a good listen, I've assembled my favorites in order with my most favorite at the top of the list.